How To Be A Good Mother

Wikipedia describes Mother's Day as a "celebration honoring mothers and motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society." It is always celebrated on the second Sunday in May.

Today, May 12, 2013, just so happens to be the second Sunday in May! I don't have everyone's address to send them a card, so I figured I'd write a blog post instead. 

                                                   

First, to my mama, I wish you the very happiest Mother's Day! I will never forget the things you have sacrificed in your life for me and I am inspired by your determination and your desire to always learn new things. We are so much alike and even though we don't have the mother daughter relationship that they write about in books, we have OUR relationship and I love you.

 To my four older, wiser, beautiful sisters - I love each of you. All of you have taken your turn at mothering me at some point in my life and I've learned so many life lessons from you. Being the youngest (waaaay youngest I might add :) in a family of six, with four of my five siblings being sisters, has afforded me a unique position in life. I've got four extra mothers to nag me, encourage me, worry about me, and love me. I also have four extra mothers that I never want to disappoint. Julie, Damita, Veronica, and Amanda - I love you and I hope I make you proud.

I'm pretty sure that I've always wanted to be a mother, but I've only felt the aching need to be a mother for the last two years or so. Now, with the changes I've recently experienced, there is a fear that this need may not be met. But, I trust in God and His plan. If I am meant to be a mother, then It will happen. While I beg God to hurry up His timing patiently wait for my turn at this season in life, I am blessed to be able to learn just what a great mother is because I am surrounded by so many wonderful, wonderful mothers. I observe them and try my best to learn from them. I've created a little "How To" list based on what I have seen from my family and friends. 

How to Be A Good Mother 

Be True to Yourself and Worry Only About What's Right For Your Family

I learned this from my mom. She is unique - intelligent and artsy and funny in her own way. She has never strived to be "just like" any other mom. She has told me more than once to just "not worry about what anyone else thinks." In this day of Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest where we can easily compare birthday parties, kids talents, homes, cars, clothes - I think this is one of the most important things to remember. 

Let Your Children Change Your Life

I have many friends and family members that I have been privileged to observe as they enter the world of mommy hood. It changes you. Friends who once followed a strict schedule are now making on the fly changes because the baby is sleeping or eating or needs to sleep or eat. Putting off the dishes or laundry because the giggles coming from their little love are just too cute to stop. I've seen friends go from "I'm not so sure I want this" to "I am utterly in love" in seconds. No more night life. No more living life just for you. You now have these little things that look like you and the need you, so you make the changes that are necessary.

Teach Your Children About Your Faith

I have friends who tell their daughters every night as they lay them in bed "God has a plan for you" - something so simple but so true and poignant, and something those girls will always hear and know. I think it is one thing to take your children to church, but another thing altogether to have church in your home. 

Teach Your Children Right From Wrong

Disciplining children can take on many forms. Some of my friends spank occasionally.  Some use the time out method. Others talk it out or use a reinforcement method. The common thing I've seen is just that you do it. I know I grew up knowing how to behave in public because I knew what my mom expected of me. I may be biased, but I think that I have amazing nieces and nephews - not one of them has ever really been in trouble - because they were taught from the very beginning of what behaviors are ok or not ok. One of my good friends here is the mom of three beautiful boys. Sometimes I visit with her and the boys when her husband is working nights. I sit back and I'm amazed at how she handles them. She gives them the right amount of firm direction and loving praise. She can (most of the time, they are boys after all) stop their  unwanted behavior in one firm "Boys!". I think today's society has a different view of right and wrong. Anyone can justify hurting others or can be forgiven for bad decisions just by saying "I'm sorry". I am so thankful that I am surrounded by mothers who want their children to be different than society's standards.

Show Your Children How to Love
Date nights with their spouses/partners. Speaking kindly and lovingly of others in front of their children. Giving to those who need. Opening their home to those who need one. Loving another woman's children as much as they love their own. Thinking to include a sad and lonely friend on family activities. Allowing a sister/friend to just cry it out. Accepting others.
Whether it be to their spouses/partners, people in their church or community, or me - I am blessed to be surrounded by women who truly exemplify love. They are ensuring that their children will grow up to show this love as well.

Go on Adventures with Your Children
My friend told me the other day how much she was looking forward to a summer at the beach with her young daughter - "she is old enough to remember this time and I never want her to forget it". Others have had cross country road trips, been on cruises, or toured museums and historic places. Adventures can also be in your own backyard - my mom is famous for her backyard camping and trips to the woods to look for treasures! Adventures make for memories and at some point, memories will be all that we have of each other.

See Your Children for their Cans, Not Their Cannots
This lesson has mostly been taught to me by the moms that I work with - those moms of children who have different or special needs. Everyday their children are pitted against the "norm" - some have endured it since their child was born. I'm sure it can make for an exhausting and disheartening life. If these moms were to focus on what their children can't do - it would be unbearable for them to go on. Instead, they focus on the things that make their child amazing - she can't run and tumble, but she CAN do the cutest little booty-in-the chair dance you've ever seen, he can't be in a crowd without holding his hands over his ears and humming, but he CAN show you how to look at the world with completely different perspective, she can't say "I love you mommy", but she CAN say that and so much more by just the smile on her face.

Never Give Stop Fighting For Your Children
I've learned this too from my families that I work with - IEP meetings, doctor's visits, therapies, insurance denials - the fight never ends. Your child deserves what is very best for her - and you are the one who is in charge of seeing that she gets it. You will do whatever it takes. This is also being exemplified in a family that is very special to me. The circumstances are a little different as the child is older, but I have seen this mother love her child through so much. Even when he hurts her, she loves him still and will do anything at all to help him get better. She is amazing. No, never stop fighting for your children, even when they are grown. Sometimes they need you to fight alongside them.

Create a Legacy for Your Children
Unfortunately, I have some very dear friends who have lost their mothers. All were in late teenage or early adulthood years and have had to face some major milestones without their mothers. I always think of them on this day and my heart breaks for them. I hope they know how amazed I am by them. But I know this about them - they are the amazing women they are today because of their mothers. I was lucky enough to meet one of these ladies but I wasn't blessed with the chance to meet the other. The thing is, I know that my friends are who they are because of their moms because I hear them talk. I hear them talk about "rice nights" where the family only ate rice so they would be mindful of others who had so little or of how Miss Sarah took care of her own mother and mother in law while she herself was sick with cancer. I hear them talk so lovingly of their moms. But, I see them too. I see how Katie dresses her girls and does their hair and tells them stories of how her mama used to do the same with her and her sisters. I see how Meg works tirelessly to care for and love her two boys while also having a full time job and dealing with a difficult schedule as her husband finishes his fellowship. She does it because it has to be done and she does it because she knows she can handle it. She is her mother's daughter.
I see this too in my sweet nieces - the two of them who now have children of their own. They love being mommies and I think they are very good at it. They learned from their mama - my sister who learned from her mama and her grand-mama. It's a never ending circle, you see. Do good things and you will yield good things.


Happy Mother's Day to every mother in my life - I am so thankful to have each of you to one day mold my life after!

With love always,
Christy